Finding Your Truce

The sound of Jack Butler's kids, "You're doing it wrong" echoed in my mind as my 20 month old crawled into my lap at the end of a long nursery school morning while his peers sat in a circle signing the "Adios Song".  "You're doing it wrong" I heard again as he curled up and placed his head against my chest requesting to nurse- his peers still signing proud in the distance.  "You're doing it wrong" I heard once more as the teacher motioned to the door kindly suggesting "It's ok, you can leave" while Bebe Bird cried  realizing that no, in fact it wasn't time to nurse.  "You're doing it wrong" welcomed me at my doorstep as my brother greeted us with "I could hear you guys coming from all the way down the street!"-referring to an exhausted Bebe Birds cry echoing through the Slopes of Brooklyn.

These moments of feeling my "shortcomings of parenting" usually presents itself when I'm tired & weary. Its grip stronger when I have been overcome with one too many sleepless nights of comforting the teething toddler I happen to live with (or revisiting the weening process, yet again)  I know, I know, I've written about my lack of shut eye before. And I know, I know-this too shall pass but at the moment it doesn't keep the "You're doing it wrongs" at bay.

Once in awhile there are conversations in our home between Papa Bird and I that go a little something like this-"We're too soft right?  Maybe we need to be stricter?!?  We're not strict enough, are we? This kid (thumb pointing to Bebe Bird) he's got two softies for parents."  This sort of dialog often occurs when we causally observe Bebe Bird hopping onto the couch, and prepping for another 'bout of running back and forth & forth and back on the soft white cushions followed by a jump then twirl after it is asked by his elders (us) to "sit your bottom down on the couch!"  "He's kind of wild right?  Lively, maybe?" We wonder aloud as we witness Bebe Bird repeat the marathon process of  back & forth and forth & back, yet again, until he's asked to "sit your bottom down" for a second time. We watch as he "sits his bottom down"and decides to abort his couch mission instead running off to find the cat because he "wuvs" him. <insert cat hiding>

"No one said it's going to be easy" my best friend once wrote.  The tides of parenthood move to a rhythm like the sea-where water is sometimes high and sometimes low, where the calm of the ocean brings stillness & peace and the rough seas, where the ocean is gnarly and water murky has you questioning your judgement (is he the only one not sleeping through the night? the only one nursing in his class?  the only one running and jumping on the couch?)-but like the vast ocean you ride the waves and weather the storms.  You move up and down together.  And hold on tight to sweet Bebe Bird's hand to guide him to shore.  All the while managing to keep him sturdy & grounded.  As a parent you learn to find a truce within yourself.  To be patient with yourself.  To live and to learn.  No one is doing the parenting thing perfectly all the time. I can only assume that like me, most parents are doing the very best they can every. single. day. And like me they experience more "I love this kid he's so hilarious" then the "You're doing it wrongs" and conclude that the joys of parenthood far exceed the challenges.