No Sleep in Brooklyn

Gone are the days of sleeping in until 10am or for that matter getting an 8 hour stretch of daily shut eye.  A full nights rest and I parted ways long ago- October of 2010 to be exact.  I was 7 months pregnant and had a belly so big I was unable to sleep lying down.  Instead, opting for 7 pillows to prop me up while I slumbered. It wasn't pretty. And it wasn't ideal, but I got used it.  As did Papa bird when he effortlessly fell into the routine of  pushing me out of bed with the tap of his shoulder. Like a dance he would gracefully roll over, place his hand on my lower back and push and push until I gracefully placed my feet on the floor.   Had I known October would be the month when Sleep and I would part, I would have cherished September all the more.

Then Bebe Bird arrived and the delirium of motherhood set in.  Although, my belly had shrunk and I was able to nestle under the covers and reunite with Sleep once more, Bebe Bird had other plans. We stayed up late, while the world slept.  We spent these wee hours feeding, changing and getting to know each other.  In the still of darkness, while time passed and clocks ticked Bebe Bird, sat with eyes wide open studying the world around him.  The nights became weeks.  The weeks became months and  Bebe Bird grew.  Life fell into a routine.  His sleep became longer. After sleeping for 9 hours straight beginning at 3 months old he has and still does wake at 5am.  Friends gasp at such a revelation.  I do too sometimes..."no, keep sleeping" I think when I hear him stir, knowing what's to come. "It's not time to wake up yet...look its still dark. I see the moon! Dear God I see the moon!"  Then it happens, the sound of that tiny raspy morning voice calling out "Mama?" making sure I'm still there. " Mama!"  In the twilight between wake and sleep I question his motive- "is he trying to ensure that Sleep and I never become reacquainted again?"  Yet,  I go to him.  Shame on me.  But, I'm ok with that.  What I've learned as a new mama to a bebe bird is that one can take the advice from books, pediatricians, and friends.  Use what makes sense to you.  But, most of all be confident when following your instincts and dismiss judging eyes.  Because, like people, every bebe is different.  There are times when red cracks, like a cartoon, line the outside of my pupils and toothpicks are used to keep my eyelids from shutting.  In the middle of these sleep deprived days I try and remind myself that life won't always be this way. One day Bebe Bird will leave this nest and build one of his own.  I know a time will come when I will long for the moments when Bebe Bird called out my name and just the sound of his mothers voice could sooth him back to sleep.  For now, while I struggle to stay awake,  I'll do my best to cherish these morning wake up calls and to sleep when life will let me.