Bebe Bird at 4 months old
I must be an old soul, I think to myself as Bebe Bird rests his hand in mine. There's a million things I could be doing right now, but here I lay. The clock ticks slowly. I wonder when sleep will catch up to him. Moment's before, he was up twisting and turning trying to get comfortable. I had sighed. "Shhh, relax," I said in a whisper, "Lay still." He’s bold, so he asks, "Can Dada massage my feet? I've been walking all day." He gets up then moves to the foot of the bed. He wants me to move with him. Sigh. "Say Wittle Mouse …" he asks. I move next to him & begin thinking of those million things- tiiiiiick toooock echoes the clock. Time passes. He turns to me, then, smiles. His eyes happy. The shadow of his features are highlighted by street lamp outside when he lifts his head and rubs his nose to mine. He smiles bigger. I smile & say a silent thank you. My heart bursts. He turns away and I kiss his soft hair. He finally falls to sleep.
It is than that I rediscover the value of times like these, of moments like that. I am aware that he won't be little forever. He won’t ask for me to sit and hold his hand as he falls asleep. I can't even remember the last time I picked him up at free will. He's almost four. There is a vault in my mind where I store such fleeting moments. Moments, of him playing in his room with his trains. Moments when the warmth of three of us lay in bed together my feet touching Papas. One day, I hope, my boy will go off into the world & that his wings be big, bold & beautiful. My wish is that those wings allow him to soar-making a life of his own with the same zest and joy for living that he possesses today. And when that time comes I hope to retrieve the memories I have stored safely in my my minds vault of the ‘whens’- Like the time in January of 20l1, when we brought him home from the hospital. Our house was quiet, guests had left and the winter sky was dark. It was bedtime. We gently placed our newborn into the bassinet next to our bed. I remember I kept waking to peak at this sleeping child, amazed that he would be taking residence here for a long, long time. Or the time when he was 4 months old and I held him for an entire nap instead of putting him in his crib, like friends suggested, because I could, and because he wanted me to. I was suppose to have been at work that day, but had recently taken that leap of faith to be home with him. I remember saying that silent thank you as he slept in the crook of my arms. At that moment there was nowhere in the world I wanted to be. My vault holds memories of Bebe Bird & his best friends, running carefree in the open field of Prospect Park. Or when he sees his cousins and his eyes light up and they start screeching their Peter Pan call in a language only they can translate. Inside my vault I’ll find quiet moments of a little boy playing with his superhero's, lost in his own imagination or running rambunctiously across the bed, through the living room into the kitchen tapping my hips yelling “tag, you’re it.” and run off...faster than a speeding bullet. My vault treasures the moments before bed when he and Papa sit together reading bedtime stories, when Bebe Bird puts on “reading jammies” than changes into "sleeping jammies" just before bed. My vault holds dear those early morning moments, before sunrise when he hops out of bed to cuddle with the cat on the couch then scampers into our room to peek outside & monitor the suns progress. If the sun is up than it’s our que to emerge from the comforts of our slumber to join the dawn of a new day. Blurry eyed & tired I still remember to savor these moments of "when", for they will be some of my lifes greatest treasures.
A boy & his cousin
Playing quietly with his cat
A little boy napping
As the responsibilities of our day to day distract me, as it often does, from capturing these moments I need to remind myself to prevent the 'sighs from leaving my breath-emails can wait, the internet can wait, the dishes can wait. As Ferris Bueller once said "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile you could miss it." So, I hug him once more to soak him all in. And lock up my favorite keepsakes of his childhood.
No comments:
Post a Comment