The John vs.The Toddler

Parenthood exposes one to plethora of stomach-churning moments, like wiping dripping diarrhea from a leaky diaper, or running to catch vomit in your hand before it hits the Persian rug in a penthouse hotel suit in down town Los Angeles.  Then there's, of course, the daily poopy diaper that requires changing multiple times a day or being peed on every now and again (which my mom swears means good luck!).  But the least pretty of them all is -potty training & trips to the public restrooms while potty training!  Que scary music (dun dun dunnn!)

Learning the ins and out of  the John with a toddler opens you up to a world of uncertainty.  You never know when they really have to go and need to anticipate a potty run at a seconds notice.  You should always carry a change of clothes & plastic bag for wet clothing unless, of course, they simply require being tossed away-never to be seen again.

And now that the trips to the John are becoming a frequent occurrence you may discover your toddler in a downward dog position, bottom in the air, requesting to be wiped (TMI? I beg your pardon) . You'll also discover that a lot more gagging sounds will come from the bathroom when the toddler potty is being emptied. You'll find yourself looking at your little one with complete shock & awe over the amount of stuff  that comes out of his teeny body.  "He's a man now" your significant other may comment between gags.

Worst yet is the potty training in public restrooms.  This is by far the the most disgusting of experiences. The battle between the Public Restroom vs. the Toddler usually entails a lot of sweat, sometimes tears, a lot of strength & it's never pretty.  Ever! And the tears may be coming from the toddler or yourself.  It's anyone's guess.  When preparing for this battle it would be of great assistance if your armor was octopus arms.  That way you could use two arms preventing your toddler's bottom from falling into the toilet & the other arms could refrain your toddler from flushing the toilet multiple times, or grabbing the trash from the disposal on the side of the door or from unravelling the toilet paper all the way through & trashing inside of the stall.  "You're so gross" you may think as your toddler wipes his hands across the previously soiled toilet seat. The battle includes a lot of hand scrubbing, like a doctor preparing for surgery with hot steaming water & an incredible amount of soap-if available.  After leaving the battlefield you come out-a little dazed, hair wild.  Your toddler runs off & your eyes begin scanning the crowd for a friendly face in the battle of the The John vs. The Toddler, where the potty seems to always declare victory!